1 year today!!!!

As I went to sleep last night , I wrapped my arms around my little girl , as I did one year ago on December 30th.  I had so  many emotions laying there with her last night.

This morning as opened my eyes, they filled with tears. Soon my chest was heaving from a full blown melt down. My husband walked over to me and just held me. His arms said " you're half way. You survived . I know you're tired but you did it". 

I thought about how my LAST memory of 2014 is of me staring at a room full of nurses, reps, and my team. I remember one of my surgeons saying " are you ready? I said " hit me". Lights dimmed and I slipped in to nothingness. 

My FIRST memory of 2015 is thinking I was in hell. That someone had put me in someone else's body. That someone had sawed my bones and glued them back together .  I remember someone screaming so loud , sounding like they were being tortured. Will someone just knock them out already? I felt fire go in to my veins, and everything went black. The screaming stopped . Thank God . 

I've thought and thought about what it would feel like to wake up today. What emotions would I have? 

The first emotion that comes to me is that of complete emotional exhaustion. The second is a feeling of awe. The third is total anxiety. I'm only down one year ? I feel like this day a year ago happened 5 years ago... I can't even seem to remember not being in pain or being normal. 

I'm in awe because I did not think I would get here . After I remember days in the hospital that I was hoping I would just die . Anything would be better than the pain that was wreaking havoc on my body. Two days after my operation I took a turn for the worse . My support system was told if I did not start fighting back, I would be put on a ventilator and potentially har the hardware taken out then put back in once I was strong enough. About 5 priest came throughout the next few hours, gave me last rights and my cvicu unit was closed down to anyone but my team and a few family members . 

It's amazing how your mind can control your body.  The next day I took another turn and started breathing on my own enough to where I did not need to be put on a ventilator. I will never know what my thoughts were.. but amidst so many people praying and the human will, I talked my body in to fighting . The two weeks in CVICU were just the start and a year of fights with myself . 

I have learned this. When your body or mind tells you that it cannot go any longer, there is a monster force inside of us all that we don't even know is there until we are truly at the end . It's vicious, powerful, and resilient all at the same time. It's more powerful than your body and your emotions. After reading "Unbroken" and many other books about suffering , my thoughts on this monster force are validated. 

I've been asked many times in the last few weeks to update on how life is NOW. 

Life is 100% different now. There and beautiful new parts to my life as well as the ugly battle that I still fight through. 

I think I thought a year later life would be a lot easier on my body, but that was a silly idea. Ironically, the left side of my chest started its shift last week and finally popped through late Saturday night. Now begins the left side shift of bones . The right side took a year . Knowing all of that gets me very emotional , and instantly exhausted . But at least now I know I will and can do it. I know that I can have my pity parties and don't have to put on a brave face 100% of the time . I know that I can get angry . I know that it's ok to be weak. I know it's ok to feel depressed sometimes , but that no matter what I'm doing this. I have made it this far. I'm still alive . 

I have gained back my 30 lbs lost. While the muscle to fat ratio is MUCH different this time at least I no longer look like skeletor. My hair is growing back in. I still sleep sitting up, but at least now I sleep most of the time. I still have days on bed rest, but then I bounce back and get to do stuff like go to the zoo, and walk for longer than 10 minutes . I can workout . Kind of . I can lift pots in the kitchen now when I cook. I can get out of my clothing without getting stuck because I can't lift my arms . I danced at raidords for my birthday( even though I had bed rest for three days after !!) . I have a little bit of normal back. I'm that's enough for me. 

What made this years battle worth it all? I got to walk down the isle to my love in July. I remember as I walked through the church my dress was killing my sides , and I could feel a anchor popping out of my dress on the side . I got angry for a second that my pain was rising from being up doing things all day. But then I saw my to be husband and family at the end of the isle, and everything went away. I look at my husband , my little girl and step son and step daughter and I cannot believe they are mine . I cannot believe how many blessings came from this year . Hell and Heaven collided . 

I will never be able to put in to words how grateful I am for my support system. I truly would not be here if it wasn't for the people in my life to love and care for me. From my incredible surgeons and their teams to my loved ones . My family, wow my family. My Framily. My friends . I am honored to be loved and cared for by you. From the countless hours of staying up with me while i cried , to spoon feeding me, to just laying holding my hand . For taking care of Sophia, loving her and supporting her . For taking me out for a ride just so I could have a change of scenery. For kidnapping me against better judgment and taking me to eat a burger at houstons . Tip- if you get brought out to eat looking like your dying and hooked to a pain pump, people will try to buy you everything and anything 😂.

For Bathing me, brushing my hair, staying in with me on a Saturday night, praying with me, cleaning for me, cooking for me, for seriously running my life for me for several months . My PT who came to me daily at home, sometimes close to midnight  just so I could have a hour of relief. To my ass wipe club. You guys are solid . You can now handle anything 😂. 

Life hits hard as hell. But you can hit harder . Don't ever forget that. Don't ever forget the power of prayer . It moves mountains . The saddest thing in the world to me is someone who doesn't believe in the power of prayer . 

Thank you from the bottom of my heart once again to each and every one of you who have been there for me. I love you all so very much. You helped save a life this year . 

I have no idea how it's been a year . Cheers to another year of fighting. Cheers to having the chance to fight! 

#breakingdownthebars 

#bobandbarb 

#down12months 

#Godisgood 

December 30th, 2015. Remembering the months I was unable to do this . 

10 months with Bob and Barb today.

All I wanted for Christmas was my bars to come out . For this nightmare to be finished . To not be in pain 34/7. To be able to sleep. To be normal again and not sick. To pick up my little girl again. To be able to squeeze the people I love when I hug them. Last Friday was devastating when I was told my chest needed another year and a half . At the same time it was also decided that i would need to go down to work part time . I had been planning and planning . I was counting down and had so much planned for when my bars would come out . Let me tell you something. you already know. We are not in control! I have let so many weeks slip by not going to the gym because pain, or not doing certain things because it hurts too much . I kept thinking" when my bars come out I will do that ". Guess what? I was a idiot . How do I know I even have a year and a half ? Or even tomorrow? There is a difference between not doing something because it is going to cause damage, and not doing something because it simply hurts like hell. I have both . I have been depressed for about a week then woke up today realizing I needed to wake up and once again be thankful that I'm her. That I can still do many things . That even if I can't pick up my little girl or squeeze the people I love I can still hold her on my lap. I can still hug. I can still go to the gym on my good days instead of being in fear of how it will make me feel that night she the next day. I realized I have to start living like I'm dying! No excuses . I woke up and forced myself to the gym. Yes im swollen. I didn't sleep. My bars are sticking out my sides as you can see. Pain pain pain is all I heard when i woke up. Oh well. I'm going to have pain for a long time . I'm going to be in pain anyway. Let's go I said to myself . My doctor has put me on a strong new medication that will help with my inflammation. Use it Kayla . Use your tools. Use your head .. Listen to your body .Give yourself a little push Life is too short. Enjoy it! Love God hard. Fall deeply in love . Kiss. Kiss a lot . Hug a lot . Drink good wine . Eat good food . See the places you want to see .Make memories with the people you love . Don't wait! Let me tell you something you already know . My favorite saying -" The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done ". 

Cheers to making it 10 months. I didn't think I could do it. I don't know how I am so blessed to have the people I have in my life . I am simply the luckiest girl in the world . #breakingdownthebars 

My scars are my battle wounds

My story that a incredibly talented woman published . My hopes is that my being vulnerable and raw can bring others to do the same. We are all fighting a battle. If only everyone new that, couldn't we help each other so much more ? 

http://www.boasthouse.com

Keep looking backwards-week 17

As I sit here finishing a interview on my recovery and what's life like now with a titanium chest, I am in awe. I never saw myself in CVICU.. Hell I didn't look in the mirror for weeks. I tell people all the time that I'm discouraged by my pain and discomfort of the bars sticking out and that I pay dearly for days I am active... Loved ones who have been by my side always tell me that I need to keep looking back at how far I've come. this is the first time I have ever seen this video. Now I see how far I've come. This was the first time I got to see Sophia, day 7. I still couldn't talk well and I don't remember this but my whole mind set changed when I saw her, clearly  . She was counting on me. I had to do this! Don't ever ever give up! If you don't want to do it for yourself do it for your loved ones. . As I sit here finishing a interview on my recovery and what's life like now with a titanium chest, I am in awe. I never saw myself in CVICU.. Hell I didn't look in the mirror for weeks. I tell people all the time that I'm discouraged by my pain and discomfort of the bars sticking out and that I pay dearly for days I am active... Loved ones who have been by my side always tell me that I need to keep looking back at how far I've come. this is the first time I have ever seen this video. Now I see how far I've come. This was the first time I got to see Sophia, day 7. I still couldn't talk well but my whole mind set changed when I saw her . She was counting on me. I had to do this! I love you Sophia! This is what I say out loud when I'm struggling -" let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place and I don’t care how tough you are it will beat you to you knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. No one is going to hit as hard as life. It ain’t about how hard you hit...it’s about It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done. You have go to be willing to take the hits” #bionicwoman #week 17 #nuss #countingmyblessings #beagladiator #nevergiveup #nopainnogain 
#blogger #breakingdownthebarsblog breakingdownthebars #bionicwoman #week 17 #nuss #countingmyblessings #beagladiator #nevergiveup #nopainnogain

It IS what it IS

" is what it is"  was the first thing that came to mind this morning.

Today marks 14 weeks post op. HOW? How am I at weeks? 14 weeks ago I was in a drugged coma . Today I will be driving kids all over the place, grocery shopping , dr visit , and grizzlie game! THis picture is 8 days post op.. I can't even believe this is me. 

 

I opened my eyes and looked around my bedroom. I sat up (Almost straight up, without having to hold on to anything ) and tears immediately followed. Tears of Thanksgiving. A simple sit up brought me to tears. Sitting up 3 weeks ago on my own made me feel like someone was slicing my chest open again. I smiled to myself as I looked around my room. I studied it for a moment. I now can count every single crack...every slab of wood on the floor...I know what time it is by the way the light comes in...without looking at the time. A few months in bed will do that to you.

I'm asked on a daily basis how I am feeling. Sometimes I struggle with that question. I don't want to sound like a baby. I don't want to complain. Everyone has their cross.  The answer is I am getting out of bed. I am able to dress myself. I am starting to be able to cook dinner. I can be up for almost a full day as long as I can be in bed the next day. I am getting out of bed...and to me that feel miraculous.

Some days are great. I get excited.  I get so excited that I forget that my energy level is that if a 80 year old. I hit walls fast. I get discouraged. One of the toughest things to get over is that I am not going to be " normal" for a long long time.  I have tried to figure out my limitations. There has been a lot of trial and error. From working, to being out with friends..I have had to pay for doing that several times. I know that I cannot open doors sometimes. I know that I still cannot let Sophia or John Rex lay back on my chest): I know that sitting in church is very painful because of the pews..at least I think its the pews. The devil is probably just trying to get me to stop going to church, LOL.

My pain is constant...but its more of a dull pain.  A pain that will hopefully subside once my bars settle in. I sometimes get in to bed and think, how did I do today? But then I smile..because now pain is just a part of me, and it is no longer controlling me.

I am learning what inflames my body. I am also learning that a simple sneeze makes me feel like I am being cut with shards of glass . I never knew a sneeze could be so torturous. I held one in for 10 weeks...and finally lost the battle a few weeks ago. I cried for hours haha. Its comical to me now.

Ive started a major detox process. The amount of meds my body has taken in is colossal. Sometimes when I sweat I start breaking out itching...because the meds are still coming out of my body. I decided that since I am not able to work full time right now, my other job would be to detox and get strong again. PT has been a full time job. Dr. visits and therapy take up a lot of time. I have started foot baths and infrared sauna sessions. The EB Pro foot bath is insane. The levels of heavy metal that have been coming out of me are insane and scary. I was exhausted the first day....then hours later started getting a surge of energy that I have not felt in probably a year. I now am going daily. The energy I get is out of this world..and my back pain has gone from a 7 down to a 4. Im even starting to sleep. My inflammation is down so much that I have been able to wear a sports bra for the first time since surgery. I don't have pockets of fluid now on the sides of my ribs.  At least not in the beginning of the day.

I've been living full days now for a month. Day 1 I cried and had a total meltdown. I called a few friends just so overwhelmed. Normal life isn't so normal when you have been living in a bed for months. Things as simple as getting mail, paying bills, and having to pack Sophia a lunch were overwhelming me. Everything had to be done for me for so long, and while I was so excited to be getting back to life, it has been very overwhelming. Today I am feeling blessed because I am not overwhelmed. In a month I have come a long way and I have to remember that.

I may not get to ride horses anymore..I may not be able to water ski or wakeboard this year...I may not be able to jump off cliffs at the lake like I love doing. I cannot wrestle with John Rex or Sophia anymore. I cannot do a lot of things. But I CAN drive..i can grocery shop alone finally..i can cook..i can do my hair ( cutting off 6 inches helped ) and I can stay up most of the day. For all of that, I AM BLESSED. I cannot forget how blessed I AM. 

My support system is still just so incredible . I am so thankful for you guys . Every single day I thank God for what you have done for me. You all keep me going. I love you so very much. 

Who knows what next month could bring...but I have learned one thing. LIVE every day to its fullest. Whatever full means to you.. LIVE IT. You never know when living full cant get grasped away from you. Be BLESSED!

Cheers BOB and BARB( my bars) 

Week 9- Unbreakable

Just writing the words " week 9" is astonishing to me. I feel like I am in some sort of time warp... Or that maybe I dreamt a horrific nightmare and finally seem to be snapping out of the nightmare. Either way, waking up and choosing to get out of bed is becoming exciting. It used to be dreaded, knowing the pain that was to follow getting up. I would awake dripping wet from the pain fevers, nauseas, and scared of what the day held. I would wonder when the next pain spout when come, and if I would handle it. 

How much we take for granted.. The little things that we do every single day. Simply being able to pull my hair up now puts a huge smile on my face . I am finally starting to feel somewhat human. HUMAN. I am even looking a bit more human. 

I cooked for my precious daughter last week for the first time in almost 3 months . She wanted breakfast for dinner . My first thought was " I cannot pick up a skillet" but then I paused - got mental, and did it. Cooking " breakfast" usually takes me 15 minutes. After an hour of my daughter asking if dinner was ready, I finally announced that it was. I was ready for bed, but felt so happy that I had been able to cook for her . How many times have we dreaded making dinner for our loved ones? I will say I love to cook, but there are definitely days that I dread it after a long day, or I just feel lazy. Being a me to cook for our loved ones and friends is a blessing , one i will never forget now or complain about. Looking back at 6 weeks ago I see myself not being able to lift a fork to my mouth. Cooking would now always be a pleasure no matter what.

My trash still has to be brought out by others . My laundry is usually left for my housekeeper... but I look forward to the day that i can do these things. One of the most crucial lessons I have learned so far 

Is everything is a gift . Everything. When you want to complain, step back and remember.. Cooking my not sound great at the moment, but praise God you have the hands to do it. Traffic is always a headache.. Praise God you have the ability to drive and to be in traffic . I praise God now when I get held up in traffic . Having the ability to drive now is glorious. Going to the grocery store is usually a trying task. Praise God that you are a me to be independent enough to go to the shire alone . That you can lift your bags . I still have assistance at the grocery store , and I praise God for my incredible support system, but I await the day that I can hop in the car and go independently.

I no longer wait for the day that the pain will lesson. Pain makes us stronger. My goal every day is to be stronger than my pain, and to push through when I get overwhelmed. Praying, meditating, and diving in to books that teach us the magnitude of what our minds can do and what we can endure has become my life line. I do not want to say obsession.. But it has become a passion of mine to figure out the human mind, and what it can take . It's shocking to say the least. 

One of my dearest friends Wendy brought me the book " unbroken" while I was still on 100% bed rest 5 weeks ago. I will forever remember her visit, and how she made me feel stronger by the words she said to me. She must have seen the exhaustion in my eyes. She watched me go through one short pain spout, and handed me the book. She knew without me saying a word that I needed a push. I finished the book on the beach yesterday. I was only able to get through the first few chapters several weeks ago because the pain made it hard for me to focus. 

Finishing this book made me realize we truly can make it through SO MUCH MORE than we know, if we put our trust in God, and we tell ourselves " I will NOT give up. I can do this. No matter how hard it is, no matter how much it hurts. I AM unbreakable . 

Thank you my sweet Wendy. 

Week 8. 1lb dumbells ? Sure!

8 weeks ago today my life changed forever. I woke up in a new shell of a body feeling cold, broken, and scared . I went through the toughest most painful surgery in the books to rehab from.. and today I picked up my first set of weights ( I fell out laughing when my PT brought them out and i said do you know who I am and who I used to be??😂😂😂.)So for all my past clients ... Enjoy the laugh. This is the and only time you will ever see me with 1 lb dumbells almost crying . 

The pain and struggle throughout the last 8 weeks have been raw . Petrifying, surprising, and painful... But something in me has changed. More than my lungs , heart, or bones. My spirit has changed. Someone told me to use my suffering to get closer to God. To offer it up for people. To let it sharpen me not cut me. I can truly say while I may be very weak.. I am stronger than I have ever been. My heart loves each and every one of you who have been by my side emotionally and physically , and even by Sophias side . There are too many to name names. But you all know who you are. I have a love for you all that I will never be able to express . Without you all I wouldn't have made it. I love you all so much . Cheers to my new shell for the next couple years. I will learn to love you Barb and Bob.

Pain and suffering have come into your life, but remember pain, sorrow, suffering are but the kiss of Jesus - a sign that you have come so close to Him that He can kiss you.

Mother Teresa (: #nuss #barbandbob #PT #painmakesyoustronger #countyourblessings #letlittlethingsgo #betougherthanyourday #teammethodist #lovemyCVICUteam #bionicwoman #breakingdownthebars #Jesuskiss

Week 7

Have you ever wondered how mentally strong you really are? Have you ever wondered how soldiers endured amputations alive.. How POW's survived torture.. How Mothers and Fathers are able to keep getting out of bed after losing a child? 

There is a place in our minds that is SO powerful... So powerful. I do not think we know this place until we have no choice but to go there. I get it now. I go there now . My pain is great. I am greater . Now I know how people make it, no matter how excruciating the physical and or mental pain. I can't describe it.. I just know it's a place. It's a decision. It's clamping down on your jaw and just doing it even if it feels like it's killing you. The last two weeks have been a massive struggle.. But I got one darn good day.. And because of that I am blessed. I got a snow day ( I thought the last 7 weeks were snow days) I was able to spend a few glorious days functioning with my other half and friends .. I got to see the kids faces enjoy the snow . I had The most precious Valentine's Day yet. For all this I am so grateful. 

Next week marks 2 months post op. I will have about 5 check ups next week instead of my weekly 2. I am anxious but excited to get to 2 months. I did it.. So far . 

Vini .. Vidi..

My times are in your hands..

Sitting here reading and making notes.. It's incredible how you open a page and what you need to hear is right in front of you. God is so faithful. #week6 #bionicwoman #countingmyblessings #bepatient #histimenotours #letcircumstancessharpennotcut #whatdoesntkillusmakesusstronger

Breaking down the bars. Day 41

Day 41. I cannot believe I'm almost to week 7. Part of me feels like I've been laying in this bed for a year.. the other part of me feels like it was just yesterday that I was doing box jumps and wrestling with my little one. 

To catch up. Week 3 and 4 are a blur. After much hesitation and discussion with my doctors and those I love, I trashed my pain meds. Cold Turkey, done. Let me say this - I don't understand how anyone could ever like being on pain meds. I was In a fog. A cold fog. My days slipped by quietly and the the pain would rage even while taking the meds. What was the point in staying on them? My pain receptors refused to register the meds. I in turn refused to give in. Thankfully, I didn't not have any withdrawals . I'm shocked by that. From pain pumps, epidurals, and oral medications, I would think I would at least have the shakes. praise God . 

The last week was the hardest I've been through since being home. A week ago I finally felt like I was getting over the hill of pain and helplessness. I had a beautiful peaceful weekend with those I love.  I was starting to brush my own hair, teeth, and with a little help was able to dress myself. I was able to put my arm around those I love. Monday was sweet.. Pure sweetness. I enjoyed every second. 

Tuesday morning broke... and with it came pain with a vengeance. I felt like there were monster hands inside my chest and rib cage, trying to rip through me to get out . My body was screaming. My head was screaming. I found myself once again in radiology. 

My serratus which is basically next to my long thoracic nerve was torn . Next to it between the bolts that are anchored in to my bones was a rib fracture. I was told my ribs my fracture under pressure and movement.. but never did I guess what that pain would be like. 

I felt defeated. I was back to square one. Immobile . Worse than before. I felt cold . Depression and anger started knocking at the door. I thought about answering the door..then Angels starter showing up non stop. Non stop I tell you. I was comforted and wrapped up by my incredible loved ones, some who I haven't even been able to see in almost a year. How good is God? He truly takes care of us if we let him. Saturday another rib fractured. This time i about gave in to my demons. I cannot comprehend or explain the pain of trying to breathe while your rib is cracking. How long was it going to last? How long would it take? I had a house full of sweet friends during this time.. I praise God for that . I would not have got through the pain without their support. 

I now have a nerve block that I am waiting on patiently to set in. I've been getting in home PT from the best PT around, and this week will start PT IN clinic. I'm anxious and ready . I know it will be painful.. But it's another step towards getting stronger. 

This week I am focusing on my blessings.  I have so many. This week I am going to take a few baby steps.. We will see what happens. I have to learn to live in this new shell of a body that I now will have for 2-4 years. Time to get this shell shined up no matter what. NO excuses!

A dear friend told me this week" you need to look BACK. Look how far you have come" She's right. Sometimes it IS good to look back .

Vini Vidi..can't say Vici yet. But looking at this picture reminds me I've come a little ways.. 

My story

       

 

Breaking down the bars. My story of survival, defeat, and rising again.


I began this blog for myself, so that I would be able to look back on my journey of being a Nuss patient. When I was told by many how my story inspired and moved them, I decided that maybe part of my suffering could be of use to others. If I can change just one life, I am happy. If I can change one persons outlook on life, I can smile.

This Is my story. Welcome to it.

K

December 31st, 2014. It's 3:30 AM. My eyes open and my heart starts racing . This is it. The day has come. 

I stand under the shower head letting hot water pour over my face to hide my tears for several minutes . I wash with the special soap I was given for pre op. It smells like surgery . I know this smell well. I look down at my chest. It's the last time I will ever see if like this . How is this day already here? 

I dress . I pray. Can't brush my teeth. I sit . I wake up my dear friend Taylor . She slid in to my bed at 10:45 the night before because she didn't want me to sleep alone. How big of a heart does she have ? She hugs me. We pack my bag and im ready. My best friend of God knows how long shows up at 4:45 looking like Miss America with a huge smile on her face . I instantly feel better . She says " we are off to cabo!!!" 

As we got closer to the hospital my hands got clammy. When I stepped out of the car I breathed in the icy air knowing it would be the last time I would breathe it for a long time . 

I walked through the front doors and headed to admissions. As the administrator put on my hospital bands she said " praise him.. All the time praise him" .

The rest is a blur. Next thing I know Dee's mother is by my side, Marianne, Taylor, and one of my dearest friends Tim. They pray with me, and the next thing I know I'm in the OR with a room full. Im used to the OR but it's very different when you're the one on the table. From there , it does black. 

Breaking down the bars.

                           Breaking down the Bars. My story of survival, defeat, and rising again.



Week 1 and 2.

My new titanium bars are in. My body is not rejecting the foreign objects, and since I'm not passing out from pain we are going to take that as " managing the pain". Great news, considering the last 2 weeks. I wanted to find a way to keep track of my progress , my set backs , and updates because this has and will be a interesting journey. I'm going to blog my journey, in the hopes that it keeps me motivated, but also can motivate others. We can always use painful and awful experiences for the greater good . 6 months from ...now I plan to be able to be solid, strong, and in great shape . I left the hospital at 94 lbs. I weighed in at 96 lbs today. Boy do I have a long way to go. 

The pain has been almost unfathomable.. But I am stronger than the pain. Mind over matter .. Every second of every day. Pain pump gone. Epidural pump gone . Morpheme, dilaudid, Hard core oral pain medications don't touch the pain. Sometimes pain is so bad you almost turn numb. I will take that. 

The 1st picture is the front of my chest. Two bars will stay in my chest up to 4 years to keep my chest wall from caving in on my heart and lungs again. The bars are like braces, nine braces . Eeek.  The bars are the most painful part about all of this. They are constantly bending my bones to correct them. It's 24/7 pain. It's frustrating, it's exhausting, but hopefully they are doing their job.  Picture #2 bolts and screws that were drilled in to my  rib cage to keep the bars in place. For any of yall who were in the hospital with me and or home the last week, now you know why all the screaming! Lol.
I have a long road ahead, but I am keeping my chin up. It's very hard to lay in bed day after day when I'm such a active person. Don't ever take your strength for granted! EVER. Every time you brush your teeth be grateful you can do it. Be grateful you can brush your hair . Be grateful you can pull up your pants ( that will be the day ) be grateful that you can bring a glass of water to your lips. I fed myself for the first time yesterday... I can't tell you what a big step that was for me. More than ANYTHING.. Once again.. Hug your babies. The day that I can wrap my arms Sophia.