10 months with Bob and Barb today.

All I wanted for Christmas was my bars to come out . For this nightmare to be finished . To not be in pain 34/7. To be able to sleep. To be normal again and not sick. To pick up my little girl again. To be able to squeeze the people I love when I hug them. Last Friday was devastating when I was told my chest needed another year and a half . At the same time it was also decided that i would need to go down to work part time . I had been planning and planning . I was counting down and had so much planned for when my bars would come out . Let me tell you something. you already know. We are not in control! I have let so many weeks slip by not going to the gym because pain, or not doing certain things because it hurts too much . I kept thinking" when my bars come out I will do that ". Guess what? I was a idiot . How do I know I even have a year and a half ? Or even tomorrow? There is a difference between not doing something because it is going to cause damage, and not doing something because it simply hurts like hell. I have both . I have been depressed for about a week then woke up today realizing I needed to wake up and once again be thankful that I'm her. That I can still do many things . That even if I can't pick up my little girl or squeeze the people I love I can still hold her on my lap. I can still hug. I can still go to the gym on my good days instead of being in fear of how it will make me feel that night she the next day. I realized I have to start living like I'm dying! No excuses . I woke up and forced myself to the gym. Yes im swollen. I didn't sleep. My bars are sticking out my sides as you can see. Pain pain pain is all I heard when i woke up. Oh well. I'm going to have pain for a long time . I'm going to be in pain anyway. Let's go I said to myself . My doctor has put me on a strong new medication that will help with my inflammation. Use it Kayla . Use your tools. Use your head .. Listen to your body .Give yourself a little push Life is too short. Enjoy it! Love God hard. Fall deeply in love . Kiss. Kiss a lot . Hug a lot . Drink good wine . Eat good food . See the places you want to see .Make memories with the people you love . Don't wait! Let me tell you something you already know . My favorite saying -" The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done ". 

Cheers to making it 10 months. I didn't think I could do it. I don't know how I am so blessed to have the people I have in my life . I am simply the luckiest girl in the world . #breakingdownthebars