Today marks 14 weeks post op. HOW? How am I at weeks? 14 weeks ago I was in a drugged coma . Today I will be driving kids all over the place, grocery shopping , dr visit , and grizzlie game! THis picture is 8 days post op.. I can't even believe this is me. 
I opened my eyes and looked around my bedroom. I sat up (Almost straight up, without having to hold on to anything ) and tears immediately followed. Tears of Thanksgiving. A simple sit up brought me to tears. Sitting up 3 weeks ago on my own made me feel like someone was slicing my chest open again. I smiled to myself as I looked around my room. I studied it for a moment. I now can count every single crack...every slab of wood on the floor...I know what time it is by the way the light comes in...without looking at the time. A few months in bed will do that to you.
I'm asked on a daily basis how I am feeling. Sometimes I struggle with that question. I don't want to sound like a baby. I don't want to complain. Everyone has their cross. The answer is I am getting out of bed. I am able to dress myself. I am starting to be able to cook dinner. I can be up for almost a full day as long as I can be in bed the next day. I am getting out of bed...and to me that feel miraculous.
Some days are great. I get excited. I get so excited that I forget that my energy level is that if a 80 year old. I hit walls fast. I get discouraged. One of the toughest things to get over is that I am not going to be " normal" for a long long time. I have tried to figure out my limitations. There has been a lot of trial and error. From working, to being out with friends..I have had to pay for doing that several times. I know that I cannot open doors sometimes. I know that I still cannot let Sophia or John Rex lay back on my chest): I know that sitting in church is very painful because of the pews..at least I think its the pews. The devil is probably just trying to get me to stop going to church, LOL.
My pain is constant...but its more of a dull pain. A pain that will hopefully subside once my bars settle in. I sometimes get in to bed and think, how did I do today? But then I smile..because now pain is just a part of me, and it is no longer controlling me.
I am learning what inflames my body. I am also learning that a simple sneeze makes me feel like I am being cut with shards of glass . I never knew a sneeze could be so torturous. I held one in for 10 weeks...and finally lost the battle a few weeks ago. I cried for hours haha. Its comical to me now.
Ive started a major detox process. The amount of meds my body has taken in is colossal. Sometimes when I sweat I start breaking out itching...because the meds are still coming out of my body. I decided that since I am not able to work full time right now, my other job would be to detox and get strong again. PT has been a full time job. Dr. visits and therapy take up a lot of time. I have started foot baths and infrared sauna sessions. The EB Pro foot bath is insane. The levels of heavy metal that have been coming out of me are insane and scary. I was exhausted the first day....then hours later started getting a surge of energy that I have not felt in probably a year. I now am going daily. The energy I get is out of this world..and my back pain has gone from a 7 down to a 4. Im even starting to sleep. My inflammation is down so much that I have been able to wear a sports bra for the first time since surgery. I don't have pockets of fluid now on the sides of my ribs. At least not in the beginning of the day.
I've been living full days now for a month. Day 1 I cried and had a total meltdown. I called a few friends just so overwhelmed. Normal life isn't so normal when you have been living in a bed for months. Things as simple as getting mail, paying bills, and having to pack Sophia a lunch were overwhelming me. Everything had to be done for me for so long, and while I was so excited to be getting back to life, it has been very overwhelming. Today I am feeling blessed because I am not overwhelmed. In a month I have come a long way and I have to remember that.
I may not get to ride horses anymore..I may not be able to water ski or wakeboard this year...I may not be able to jump off cliffs at the lake like I love doing. I cannot wrestle with John Rex or Sophia anymore. I cannot do a lot of things. But I CAN drive..i can grocery shop alone finally..i can cook..i can do my hair ( cutting off 6 inches helped ) and I can stay up most of the day. For all of that, I AM BLESSED. I cannot forget how blessed I AM.
I opened my eyes and looked around my bedroom. I sat up (Almost straight up, without having to hold on to anything ) and tears immediately followed. Tears of Thanksgiving. A simple sit up brought me to tears. Sitting up 3 weeks ago on my own made me feel like someone was slicing my chest open again. I smiled to myself as I looked around my room. I studied it for a moment. I now can count every single crack...every slab of wood on the floor...I know what time it is by the way the light comes in...without looking at the time. A few months in bed will do that to you.
I'm asked on a daily basis how I am feeling. Sometimes I struggle with that question. I don't want to sound like a baby. I don't want to complain. Everyone has their cross. The answer is I am getting out of bed. I am able to dress myself. I am starting to be able to cook dinner. I can be up for almost a full day as long as I can be in bed the next day. I am getting out of bed...and to me that feel miraculous.
Some days are great. I get excited. I get so excited that I forget that my energy level is that if a 80 year old. I hit walls fast. I get discouraged. One of the toughest things to get over is that I am not going to be " normal" for a long long time. I have tried to figure out my limitations. There has been a lot of trial and error. From working, to being out with friends..I have had to pay for doing that several times. I know that I cannot open doors sometimes. I know that I still cannot let Sophia or John Rex lay back on my chest): I know that sitting in church is very painful because of the pews..at least I think its the pews. The devil is probably just trying to get me to stop going to church, LOL.
My pain is constant...but its more of a dull pain. A pain that will hopefully subside once my bars settle in. I sometimes get in to bed and think, how did I do today? But then I smile..because now pain is just a part of me, and it is no longer controlling me.
I am learning what inflames my body. I am also learning that a simple sneeze makes me feel like I am being cut with shards of glass . I never knew a sneeze could be so torturous. I held one in for 10 weeks...and finally lost the battle a few weeks ago. I cried for hours haha. Its comical to me now.
Ive started a major detox process. The amount of meds my body has taken in is colossal. Sometimes when I sweat I start breaking out itching...because the meds are still coming out of my body. I decided that since I am not able to work full time right now, my other job would be to detox and get strong again. PT has been a full time job. Dr. visits and therapy take up a lot of time. I have started foot baths and infrared sauna sessions. The EB Pro foot bath is insane. The levels of heavy metal that have been coming out of me are insane and scary. I was exhausted the first day....then hours later started getting a surge of energy that I have not felt in probably a year. I now am going daily. The energy I get is out of this world..and my back pain has gone from a 7 down to a 4. Im even starting to sleep. My inflammation is down so much that I have been able to wear a sports bra for the first time since surgery. I don't have pockets of fluid now on the sides of my ribs. At least not in the beginning of the day.
I've been living full days now for a month. Day 1 I cried and had a total meltdown. I called a few friends just so overwhelmed. Normal life isn't so normal when you have been living in a bed for months. Things as simple as getting mail, paying bills, and having to pack Sophia a lunch were overwhelming me. Everything had to be done for me for so long, and while I was so excited to be getting back to life, it has been very overwhelming. Today I am feeling blessed because I am not overwhelmed. In a month I have come a long way and I have to remember that.
I may not get to ride horses anymore..I may not be able to water ski or wakeboard this year...I may not be able to jump off cliffs at the lake like I love doing. I cannot wrestle with John Rex or Sophia anymore. I cannot do a lot of things. But I CAN drive..i can grocery shop alone finally..i can cook..i can do my hair ( cutting off 6 inches helped ) and I can stay up most of the day. For all of that, I AM BLESSED. I cannot forget how blessed I AM.
My support system is still just so incredible . I am so thankful for you guys . Every single day I thank God for what you have done for me. You all keep me going. I love you so very much.
Who knows what next month could bring...but I have learned one thing. LIVE every day to its fullest. Whatever full means to you.. LIVE IT. You never know when living full cant get grasped away from you. Be BLESSED!
Cheers BOB and BARB( my bars)
Who knows what next month could bring...but I have learned one thing. LIVE every day to its fullest. Whatever full means to you.. LIVE IT. You never know when living full cant get grasped away from you. Be BLESSED!
Cheers BOB and BARB( my bars)
No comments:
Post a Comment