Week 9- Unbreakable

Just writing the words " week 9" is astonishing to me. I feel like I am in some sort of time warp... Or that maybe I dreamt a horrific nightmare and finally seem to be snapping out of the nightmare. Either way, waking up and choosing to get out of bed is becoming exciting. It used to be dreaded, knowing the pain that was to follow getting up. I would awake dripping wet from the pain fevers, nauseas, and scared of what the day held. I would wonder when the next pain spout when come, and if I would handle it. 

How much we take for granted.. The little things that we do every single day. Simply being able to pull my hair up now puts a huge smile on my face . I am finally starting to feel somewhat human. HUMAN. I am even looking a bit more human. 

I cooked for my precious daughter last week for the first time in almost 3 months . She wanted breakfast for dinner . My first thought was " I cannot pick up a skillet" but then I paused - got mental, and did it. Cooking " breakfast" usually takes me 15 minutes. After an hour of my daughter asking if dinner was ready, I finally announced that it was. I was ready for bed, but felt so happy that I had been able to cook for her . How many times have we dreaded making dinner for our loved ones? I will say I love to cook, but there are definitely days that I dread it after a long day, or I just feel lazy. Being a me to cook for our loved ones and friends is a blessing , one i will never forget now or complain about. Looking back at 6 weeks ago I see myself not being able to lift a fork to my mouth. Cooking would now always be a pleasure no matter what.

My trash still has to be brought out by others . My laundry is usually left for my housekeeper... but I look forward to the day that i can do these things. One of the most crucial lessons I have learned so far 

Is everything is a gift . Everything. When you want to complain, step back and remember.. Cooking my not sound great at the moment, but praise God you have the hands to do it. Traffic is always a headache.. Praise God you have the ability to drive and to be in traffic . I praise God now when I get held up in traffic . Having the ability to drive now is glorious. Going to the grocery store is usually a trying task. Praise God that you are a me to be independent enough to go to the shire alone . That you can lift your bags . I still have assistance at the grocery store , and I praise God for my incredible support system, but I await the day that I can hop in the car and go independently.

I no longer wait for the day that the pain will lesson. Pain makes us stronger. My goal every day is to be stronger than my pain, and to push through when I get overwhelmed. Praying, meditating, and diving in to books that teach us the magnitude of what our minds can do and what we can endure has become my life line. I do not want to say obsession.. But it has become a passion of mine to figure out the human mind, and what it can take . It's shocking to say the least. 

One of my dearest friends Wendy brought me the book " unbroken" while I was still on 100% bed rest 5 weeks ago. I will forever remember her visit, and how she made me feel stronger by the words she said to me. She must have seen the exhaustion in my eyes. She watched me go through one short pain spout, and handed me the book. She knew without me saying a word that I needed a push. I finished the book on the beach yesterday. I was only able to get through the first few chapters several weeks ago because the pain made it hard for me to focus. 

Finishing this book made me realize we truly can make it through SO MUCH MORE than we know, if we put our trust in God, and we tell ourselves " I will NOT give up. I can do this. No matter how hard it is, no matter how much it hurts. I AM unbreakable . 

Thank you my sweet Wendy.